Alvin sticks out his tongue when he is nervous

Friday, April 20, 2012

My Little Money Maker

I have found an area on Alvin's body that if you scratch it, it compels him to lick.  While doing this it all of a sudden dawned on me that there is a potential scam Alvin and I can operate.  Of course, Alvin will be innocent in the scam but he will be our central player.  I still think there is money to be made just by his burping skill alone.  There is an untapped market in the fraternity world where college boys would pay to hear a little dog burp louder than they can.  I am realizing that it's odd at how much I enjoy having a dog that burps like a truck driver.  I am a fairly proper person when it comes to issues like burping.  I don't enjoy most off color jokes, I am not a fan of people discussing subjects like their sex lives or bathroom habits and I would be very embarrassed if I burped in public, and yet, I get tickled every time I hear Alvin let one rip.  So, while we continue to pursue that untapped market, I am realizing that we can exploit this licking thing he does and I can start asking him questions that make it seem like he can predict the future.  I don't want to ask him questions that predict the weather because when we get it wrong the sham will be over right away and so I think we will stick to subjects like future political outcomes.  I figure that we can charge $10.00 a prediction and as word gets out, we can up the amount.  Ridiculous, you think?  Well, if people are still paying a buck a minute to speak to a "psychic" over the phone and people repeatedly bought into that geriatric minister that kept predicting the date of the return of Jesus, then there's a market out there for a licking dog that makes political predictions.  I am hoping that no one catches on that all the predictions are exactly how I hope things go politically.  If anyone is questioning the ethics of our scam, let me point out that I am currently unemployed and someone around here has to get a job to pay for that kibble.  Times are tough and we need to capitalize on all of Alvin's abilities.  Then we'll see all the applications start rolling in of people suddenly interested in my little money maker and I may not be able to afford to let him go.

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