Here we Sit in Concord

Sadly, we didn't make it to San Luis Obispo today.  I was ready, purse in hand and only needed my keys.  As I was searching for them I got a call from my mom saying she was worried because I didn't look good and that helped me acknowledge that I didn't feel good.  The prospect of driving eight hours round trip seemed too big.  I was very disappointed because I was really looking forward to watching everyone see Alvin's progress and Alvin hasn't seen his best friend, Sally for seven months, but I just didn't think I could muster the energy needed for such a big day.

The sad part is that Alvin had a brand new haircut to show off.  What I found most interesting is that when I was finished with it last night, I was terribly critical of how it looked because it took a very long time for Alvin's sedative to work and so it was nearly 11:00 PM once I got started.  I didn't have the time or energy to make all the finishing touches and so I was really wincing at the idea of so many people seeing it the next day.  Then once I realized we weren't going and people wouldn't see it, I changed my mind and thought it looked great. HA!  However it ends up each time it's a miracle it isn't a complete disaster because I do it on the floor, with him sometimes prancing and circling around.  If people saw what I had to do to cut his hair, I am certain that they would think it was a masterpiece but since they don't, it tends to look like an okay haircut but not great.  Poor Alvin has another thing that goes wrong for him.  I am realizing that not only does his fur tend to mat fairly easily but that the mats start at the skin and work out.  So, I ended up shaving him down much shorter, while keeping a bit of a skirt and slightly longer fur on his legs.  He does look cute as he can be.

The profound benefit to having sedated him last night was that once we were done, he was sleepy and I was actually able to put him on my lap and hold him in my arms.  For those of you who have been following along, you can imagine what a lovely moment this was.  I sat on the floor and held him for about 15 minutes while he slept in my arms.  I then placed him in bed with me and was able to hold him in my arms as we slept for about an hour.  It immediately felt very familiar because I did this with Timmie every night and I haven't been able to feel that since he died.  It was lovely and I just wish it didn't take a sedative to be able to be near to him in that way.  While he was sedated I touched, scratched, and pet him as much as I possibly could with the hope that when he was no longer sedated, he would remember it and not be as afraid.  I have noticed today that he has allowed me to touch him more. 

My mom said she was working on something for me and brought it over today.  She has printed out all of his blog entries and put them in a binder.  It looks like a bonafide book and it reminds me of how far we have come in the past seven months and how very much I care about him because why else would I have written a blog that now rivals the length of War and Peace?