Alvin sticks out his tongue when he is nervous

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

But by the Grace of God There Goes Alvin

I am at home sitting near the front door waiting for animal control to come pounding on my door at any moment.  I accidentally did something tonight that has left me utterly traumatized.  I decided to go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and decided to take my dog, Timmie because he loves riding in the car and I need to make a conscious effort to spend more one-on-one time with him because it's been an adjustment to have to share me with the other dogs.  It was supposed to be our special time.  I got to the pharmacy and I was in a hurry because it was going to close soon and so I jumped out of the car and for the first time I did not tell Timmie to stay.  He is so good about staying when I tell him to but not only did I forget but I thought about having not told him to stay as the door was slamming.  It has been very windy here tonight and so the door really slammed and as soon as it shut I heard my dog screaming.  You can imagine what it feels like to hear your dog screaming and knowing that he must be slammed in the door.  My door does not have remote entry and so I had to find the key and put it in the door to open it.  I opened the door and saw that he was still caught based on the fact of how his body was pined to it and I realized while opening the door that it had completely shut.  The wave of incredible panic, but even more of tremendous guilt was overwhelming.  I assumed that we would have a broken paw or a bloody head or something equally as dreadful.  I quickly examined him and he looked fine and wanted to jump out of the car.  I lifted him up and put him on the ground and there was no limping or any sign of even slight injury. In typical Timmie fashion he trotted over to the nearest bush to mark his territory.  I don't know what was caught but it must have been fur because there was just nothing wrong with him. 

Timmie came to me after Camp Cocker rescued him out of a shelter in Bakersfield on Christmas Eve and his pelvis was crushed but it had been an old injury and so he had been out on the street suffering for a long time.  Camp Cocker paid to have him bolted and screwed back together and he is fine but as a result of having lived in what the orthopedic surgeon had said was considerable pain, Timmie will anticipate pain and yelp when he hasn't actually been hurt.  I am guess this is what happened but the screaming just obliterated me.  I ran in to get the prescription and was a shaking mess.  As I left the pharmacy I had to go down a concrete staircase of about 15 stairs and because I was still so shaky I tripped on my own self and nearly tumbled down the entire stair case.  I still don't know how I managed to stay up.  The irony is that I was at the pharmacy to get pain medication for my migraines, which I am pretty sure instantly started the minute I heard Timmie screaming.  I then got into the car and reexamined Timmie who again seemed fine and then promptly put my car into drive to reverse out of the parking lot.  After turning my head to look behind me while I accidentally went forward was the last straw and I think at that point my head explode.   I managed to somehow get us home and now I never want to drive again.

When driving home I thought what a profound blessing it had been that first, it wasn't Stevie because with her being blind and deaf she wouldn't have know what happened and I would be in permanent therapy to deal with that guilt.  Then my thought went to it having been Alvin.......can you even imagine?  With his fear of being in a car that would have put him over the edge permanently.  We would have had to attend couples trauma therapy but I would have had to find some place very close because we would have had to walk there.  I also congratulated myself yet again for choosing not to procreate because I worked with CPS for 13 years as a social worker and it would have been terribly embarrassing to have had people I know come to my door to take the child away.  Timmie is fine both emotionally and physically but I am left feeling horrible emotionally and now have a screaming headache and so ironically those migraine pills will come in handy.  Alvin must have picked up on my mood because he has circled to beat the band since I got home.  I am wondering if there is something to it and I am considering joining him tonight.

I'm hoping this link works because it's a video of Timmie right after being rescued and before his surgery.  That tail wags constantly and his love for people is constant.  In this video he was in pain and so skinny from being out on the streets but nothing, including being slammed in a door takes away his love and trust in humans.  Now I am going to slam my head against the wall.....again!

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