Overeater's Anonymous for Dogs

Why isn't there such a thing because Alvin really needs a 12-step program for his food issues.  The problem is that very important first step of admitting one has a problem because the only problem Alvin's admits to having in regards to food is living with that idiot human being who won't give him more of it.  If it wouldn't be harmful to him I would put out a big bowl of food, not to see if he would eat it all because he would, but rather how quickly he could consume it.  He really would have a future in those odd human eating contests if they started having them for dogs.  I can't attribute his food issues to being starved because in his last foster home he got home cooked meals and I don't think he came into the shelter particularly skinny.  This boy just loves a good meal.  I suspect that Alvin would like to pack his bones and move to a house that would cater more to his culinary needs but I have finally learned how to keep males around.  Now granted the only males I have successfully kept around are ones that can't speak or drive a getaway car but that's not the point.  My dog Timmie tried to run away on his third day here and if it wasn't for that pesky neighbor he would have been able to make a break for it, but now my gates are locked and the fences fortified and there is no way out.  If only I could do this with human males but after my last attempt, according to the restraining order that is some sort of a "crime".  (I can actually hear my mom worrying from here that readers are going to think I am serious).  I don't dare try to duplicate his last foster home experience and cook for him because I was the only girl in my home ec. class not only to flunk but to have paid other girls to do the cooking and knitting home work for me.  Not to mention the small kitchen fire "incident" a few years ago.  So, he's stuck and without even a support group to attend.