Although I find this hard to believe, I have it on very good authority that Alvin does indeed bark. His former foster mom told me that she heard Alvin bark on a few occasions but considering she has a lot of other dogs I thought maybe another dog barked and she mistook it for Alvin. The idea of Alvin barking seems nearly unfathomable to me. But I have recently confirmed it with another eye and ear witness who has also heard him bark. Not only did she hear him bark but he would bark when the other dogs in house started barking. WHAT? I have Timmie, the king of all barkers. Timmie is such a barker that I live with all my blinds closed because if he saw everything that went on outside I would be forced to live with 24 hours of ear splitting, shrill barking that makes you wonder if you are experiencing nerve damage. Not once in three months that Alvin has been subjected to Timmie's barking solos has he joined in. I am told that it's a really high sounding noise, which goes with Alvin because if I heard a deep sounding bark come out of him I would be running for a water bottle to sprinkle holy water or whatever one does when suspecting devil possession because the only explanation would be that Satan overtook him and that I was hearing the Devil himself. If Alvin only knew how many treats I would trade for just one bark. I am subjected to his after meals burps so I deserve to get to hear his little munchkin bark.
Speaking of burping, I am still looking for some sort of canine burping contest to put Alvin in because there's money out there for us to win. I suspect that a canine burping contest would be more readily found in the south, maybe in Kentucky or Alabama. Although I would be willing to go most anywhere to show off this little parlor trick of his, I suspect that flying on a plane could cause him to never walk straight again and life would become a permanent loop. So, maybe I will have to start a contest of my own because I am oddly proud of his burping ability. It's kind of like having a cat with two tails, weird and kind of off-putting but fascinating and unique at the same time.