I think I better get a Lab next time because at some point, I need to have a dog that likes water and baths because bathing dogs that are shaking and scared nearly sends me to therapy every time.
I did come to the realization recently that Alvin has the ability to con me. A few days ago, we were outside with Alvin on a leash and I decided to ask him to sit. I have never tried it outside of the house away from the treat container and so I wanted to see if he could do the trick in a different environment. I asked him to sit, while holding my hand above his head and he started to sit and then repeatedly tried to sniff my hand. It was very clear that he was try to determine if there was a treat involved and when he discovered that there was not one, he wouldn't sit. I tried it repeatedly and every time he started to sit, frantically sniffed my hand, and then stood back up. I didn't press the issue because I found that I was some what impressed with his ability to be manipulative and conniving and it just reinforced my decision not to produce children because I would laugh when they were naughty and end up raising budding sociopaths.
I have started to wonder how often Alvin reflects on the fact that right now I am his best option and whether that puts him into major depressive episodes. I think his only consolation is the hope that maybe there is someone there that will deliver him from this loony bin, and so consider it an act of mercy and please help me find someone to take this poor guy before I do irreparable psychological damage to him. He has his bones packed and he will loop his way to a new home with only a moment's notice and then I will get a Labrador to bathe.