Dear Alvin,

I want to tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through that horrible surgery but let's establish one central fact -  it wasn't my idea.  I was just the driver and otherwise, you can consider me the "other victim" in this situation.  I will keep my promise that if anyone tells us that you need to have another surgery that I will pack your bones and we will get the heck out of dodge.  We may have to go under some type of disguise so that they won't recognize us.  We can't really turn you into a German Shepard so you will probably need to pose as a dog that loves to be touched because that will really throw anyone off. 

With my innocence established let's move onto the next issue.  It is hard on my self esteem when you keep running away from me like your tail's on fire.  I am not always up to some type of trickery to get you to take yet another pill.  Okay, so I usually am but there is always that one time out of ten when I am totally innocent.  Please act accordingly.  I am wondering how long you think you are going to remain upset at me because I am fearful that if I take you to the dog park when you get better that you may find the first dog owner and try to scoot out with a stranger.  In the meantime, I am having to keep you sedated because of your insistence of doing your best circus poodle act throughout the house.  The side benefit is that if I keep you groggy you can't run down the street to the neighbors and make a plea for help from the mean, drug pushing lady.  All you would have to do is bat those doe-like eyes and there are a whole host of people who would take you but I would like you to stay here, in this house of horrors as you seem to currently view it.  I hate to break it to you but grandma isn't going to take you home with her.  I see that your hope for this springs eternal but you ruined it with your propensity to practically walk on her feet and cause her to trip on a regular basis.  Between the two of you with your collective six knees you only share two good ones and neither of you can risk injuring them further.  Also, I have already weathered some of the storm with your physical rehab and I am about to head into helping grandma with her recovery from her impending first knee surgery.  One person can only deal with so much.  I have seen grandma on pain meds and she is about as manageable as you are under the influence.  Yes, there is an argument for sending you both packing next door and letting you fend for yourselves through a haze of prescribed medication but inevitably when you both manage to fall over one another, I would only be able to be at one ER.  So, you're stuck with me buddy.  Sorry to break it to you but it's just you and me, kid (and Timmie, Stevie, and Maddie).  You're not only living in this nut house but you are playing a central role in this crazy circus we call our life.  You'll thank me someday, or maybe not.

Your humble servant (or torturer as you seem to view it),
Janet White