If you want a male to stay in your bed, feed him!

So, I got little portable stairs in hopes that I could convince Alvin that it was an exceptionally brilliant idea to get on the couch and the bed.  I wonder if I am the only human being trying to train a dog to get ON the furniture?  I don't mind if he doesn't want to be on the couch or the bed but I don't want him to stay on the floor out of fear.  I have also started to notice that when everyone else is on the bed (I wonder why I'm single?) that he seems to want to be included.  I knew that the power of my love, coaxing, or determination would not be enough to convince Alvin to go up stairs and so I pulled out the sure fire plan and got out some of his dog food.  I sat on the couch with the stairs propped against it and slowly enticed him up the stairs and onto the couch.  I do hate to exploit his eating disorder but I have no other weapons in the arsenal.  I took the stairs into my bedroom but quickly discovered that they were probably far too short for the bed.  I ended up accidentally leaving them propped against the bed and then started to read.  My mom came over a while later with food for me and without thinking, I began to eat while still sitting on my bed and quick as a flash came the mighty Alvin.  He came so fast that I think we ended up frightening each other because all of a sudden we were eyeball to eyeball.  Before he could realize that he had experienced a moment of food-induced psychosis and was now standing on the bed I began dishing out my lunch to him.  I'm realizing that Alvin is running quite a racket over here.  Then the moment of truth, the food was gone and now what?  Well, sweet, brave Alvin took it like a champ and after sniffing the entire bed for any dropped food and then sniffing me for dropped food (and there was some), he laid down and took a nap.  Once again, I questioned if there had been a small miracle that had just taken place.  The problem was that when Alvin is in a new situation he tends to jump up and bolt if anything around him moves or changes and I didn't want to see him circle himself off the bed and get hurt and so I sat in the same position for I don't know how long and questioned whether I was even remotely normal at this point.  I know Alvin isn't normal and I think I have committed to abnormalcy right along with him.  I kept looking at him and I felt so proud of him!  I don't have children and I wonder if this is how a parent feels when their child graduates out of special ed and gets mainstreamed?  I just kept looking at this little guy who couldn't figure out how to even lick correctly and could circle himself into a wall when scared and he looked so well adjusted sleeping on the bed.  I was savoring the moment when my mom knocked on the door, Alvin jumped up burped like a grown man, jumped off the bed and circled himself all the way to the front door.  It's progress, not perfection.