Much Gratitude

Thank you all for your very kind comments about the loss of Timmie.  Timmie was that extra special dog that I knew would only come around once.  I loved him more than any animal I have ever known and I am very saddened that he is gone.  I used to tell him all the time that he had to live forever because my heart couldn't take losing him.  He was only five. 

I find that I can barely stand to write about it but I will write about Alvin's response to losing Timmie.  Timmie died shortly after midnight and I brought him home to bury him in my mom's back yard.  We chose her back yard because she owns her house and I rent.  I couldn't imagine ever moving and having to leave him behind.  Since it was night, we couldn't bury him until the next day and so I brought him home.  It seemed only right to bring him home one last time.  I had him in a container and I brought him in the living room.  My mom wanted me to put him in the garage but I couldn't bear to have him out in a cold garage.  When I brought in the container Alvin was immediately very interested and stayed close to it.  I opened it up and Alvin immediately stuck his head inside and sniffed and sniffed.  He then began to whimper over and over again.  My mom was in my bedroom and I asked her if she could hear him too, which she could.  Alvin stayed close to the container and just kept sniffing and whimpering in a deep, guttural voice.  I lifted Timmie out and held him in a blanket for a long time.  I was agonizingly aware that it would be my last time being able to hold him.  Alvin was very interested but only whimpered when I would put him back into the container.  When I put the lid back on he became distressed and so I kept lifting it off so he could see Timmie again. 

Timmie was Alvin's only friend.  As you can imagine, Alvin has a hard time making friends but somehow Alvin and Timmie had a friendship.  Timmie would at times try to play with Alvin, which resulted in completely confusing and freaking Alvin out and I would have to put a stop to it.  Timmie was a jealous dog and didn't like other dogs to be with me.  It was so pronounced that he would throw his body in front of any dog and scramble to get all of my attention, including pawing at me and laying his head on my chest like a baby.  Somehow with Alvin, he didn't have that jealousy and allowed Alvin and I to do our thing.  He didn't even mind Alvin being closest to me on the bed.  I valued this so much in Timmie because in Alvin's former foster home there were two dogs that kind of ganged up on Alvin and scared him.  They probably didn't mean much harm but they would chase him and he would cry and run.  Timmie was known for growling at dogs if they were in his house and getting my attention but he was very gentle with Alvin.  Alvin and I cried a lot together that night.  I lost my very best friend and Alvin lost him only friend.  I know there won't be another Timmie for me but I do so very much hope that there is another dog out there that can see the good things in Alvin and be willing to take him under his/her wing.  I hope there is another doggy friendship in his future.