Double Knee Surgery Squared

I found out today that my mom also has to have double knee surgery, so no wonder Alvin likes her so much - they have something in common.  I am wondering if their surgeries should be scheduled together so that I can pick them both up and take them to go potty at the same time.  With Alvin's propensity to walk on people's feet, do tight circles around them while they walk, and walk on the back of people's heels, those two are going to have to be separated during their respective rehabs or someone is going to accidentally kill the other. 
Alvin has now turned the corner from looking like he was a victim of some odd tropical disease to now looking like an alien.  His lower eye lids have lost all their pigment and his upper eye lids are spotted with the pigment flaking off more each day.  When I take him to the dog park I am going to walk away and pretend I don't know him because goodness only knows what people will make of his appearance.  I am being interviewed for an internet show next week to profile him in hopes of finding an adoptive home but I am definitely sending them old pictures because I don't want the entire conversation to be about what happened to his eye lids and whether he is actually really a dog or not.  It's going to be enough of a challenge because I can't lie and so the conversation might go something like this, no, he doesn't really like to be petted and if you pick him up his teeth chatter and he scrambles away as though you are killing him.  But if he likes you he'll put you on his looping route and circle around you approximately every 15 seconds.  But please do try to keep the furniture the same because any change makes him circle himself dizzy.  He may look like he is having a seizure when riding in the car but it's just shear fear and panic.  He does love to eat but be careful when feeding him by hand because he may manage to take off your finger but his mouth is little so he shouldn't bite more than the finger at the first joint.  He isn't a barker so don't mistake his burping for barks like I did, they're just really loud burps.  He is house trained for the most part but he frequently gets mixed up and manages to poop a foot on the wrong side of the door but at least he's close to the outside.  He will give you a lot of attention by staring at you until you think he is some character out of a Stephen King novel but other than that, he's super great! 

In actuality, Alvin is just a love and someone is going to be over the moon with this dog but it's going to be a special someone and until then I will just enjoy those pigmentless eye staring back at me.

To Russia, With Love

I still can't get over how many international readers Alvin has, particularly from Russia and Singapore.  I am so curious as to who you all are out there, i.e. do you have pets, are you married, have kids, what do you do for a living, how did you find this blog, etc.  If I could, I would peak through the computer screen to see who Alvin's fans are.  Please consider leaving a comment here to tell us where you live and a little about yourself.  I wonder if people from other countries read this and think that I am an example of a crazy American who spends far too much time with her dogs?  If so, you are correct, at least about the crazy part and I have found that dogs will hang out with me no matter how annoying I am.  It seems to be a win-win situation.  But for any of you, even those in the US, please leave a comment and let us all know where you live because it's interesting to see where you all come from.  And again, thank you all for reading this blog.  I am able to see every day how many people are reading this and I am so grateful for your interest.  I realize that the interest is all for Alvin and I like that people find him as valuable and interesting as I do.  It probably is a blessing that he can't read because if he knew how popular he is he might refuse to hang out with a lowly person like me or want me to be his humbly servant.  Please feel free to pass the word about Alvin because he deserves all the attention he can get.

On another note, Alvin has improved so much in allowing me to administer his eye drops.  His teeth still immediately start chattering when he knows I am going to do it but I no longer have to stretch and warm up to prevent a muscle pull during the process.  He also knows that a treat comes right after the eye drops and so instead of running away, he now stands in line for the treat that he so clearly earned.  We have been doing the eye drops for a week now and his improvement is significant and to me, it's another example of how far he is able to come in all different areas of his life.  I don't know that Alvin's ever going to be the, jump up on the couch and hang out type of dog but I predict that a year from now he is going to let his person pet him anywhere at anytime and he very well may be a dog that not only sleeps in a bed with his person but sleeps close to his person.  He just enjoys having his chin, neck and back scratched too much to be a standoffish (now that's a word for our readers that that aren't native English speakers) dog for the rest of his life and the way he prefers to sleep nearly on my mom's feet tells me that he wants human comfort when sleeping.  He isn't sleeping in my bed yet but he does love his dog bed, which is located right next to my bed and when it's time to go to bed I pat his bed and tell him to get it in and he gets in, circles around a bunch of times and then goes right to sleep.  He no longer gets up early in the morning (thank goodness) and when I wake up, there he is just snoozing away in a little ball and it is the cutest, most heartwarming way to start a day!

So, to our readers in different time zones, good morning, good afternoon, or in my case, good night to you all! May today or tomorrow be a wonderful day for each and every one of you!

Alvin Couldn't Resist Her Advances

Alvin certainly gets a A for effort but he finally couldn't resist my mother's advances and let her pet and scratch his head and back for a long time.  Alvin seemed to fall in love with her at first sight, as evidenced by his constant loop around her chair as she sits and watches TV.  He wants to be near her but he gets nervous and so the looping around her seems to allow him to stay near but stay on the move at the same time.  He gets very excited when she comes over and will sometimes even jump up on her with one paw on her leg.  It's only one paw because he just isn't a terribly coordinated little guy and so his one pawed jump is equivalent to a "normal" dog leaping into her lap.  He clearly prefers her over me but until tonight he still could not muster up the courage to let her give him a good pet.  Recently my mom announced that he was just going to have to let her pet him and that the time had come.  I had to laugh because she taught special ed children for years and has two master's degrees in special ed.  She has worked with many autistic children who had similar issues as Alvin and she knows better than anybody that it's up to the child, or in this case, up to the dog to determine when they can make those kinds of emotional leaps.  Nonetheless, she was adamant that he needed to let her pet him.  The problem is that Alvin is just so incredibly cute and he has a look about him that keeps him in that permanent puppy stage and so the desire to pet him is almost over-powering.  Last night she was over and Alvin chose to lay at her feet and go to sleep.  Last night he was nearly laying on her feet and he looked so cute and cuddly that even someone with a heart of stone would want to pet him.  I saw her going in for it and I explained that when trying to pet Alvin on his back or his head that you had to prove your case (that petting feels good) immediately.  If you want any chance to get Alvin to stay put you have to scratch him pretty hard right away because he likes to have his back scratched but you have to get to him before he realizes that he is supposed to be scared.  So, she went in for the scratch and little Alvin let her scratch and scratch him.  He didn't even sit up.  The look on her face was very much the look of surprise and delight that a child gets when being given an unexpected treat or toy.  She also looked so proud of herself.  I realized that Alvin has quite a con going because can you imagine convincing people that it was an accomplishment and a privilege to "get" to scratch your back for long periods of time?  I need to figure out how to run a similar con!  As she was scratching his back she told him that she had been waiting so long to get to do this.  He let her do it until she got tired and quit. 
The most humorous part of their exchange is the fact that every animal falls in love with my mother and she isn't much of an animal person.  The cat next door leaves his house where he is terribly spoiled and cries at my mom's front door to be let in and he frequently spends the night with her.  When the neighbor can't find her cat she calls my mom to ask if her cat can come home.  A long while back there was a stray cat in the neighborhood and one of the neighbors began to feed her, gave her a bed, and their six-year-old daughter would go out and brush her, hold her, and generally love all over that cat.  That same cat took one look at my mom and would not leave her front porch from that day on.  My mom did not feed the cat and although she would pet her from time-to-time, she certainly didn't give the cat the attention that the little girl and her family did.  One day the little girl came over with a bag of cat food and said that her parents told her to give the cat food to my mom because "my kitty to live with you."  That particular cat had a lot of mental problems and insisted on getting up on the roof but couldn't get herself back down and so my mom was forever rescuing that cat on the roof where we learned she was using the roof as her personal bathroom.  The story has a happy ending with the cat living out the remainder of her life with my mom.  Every single animal I have ever had has loved my mom more than anyone else in the world and my mom has lost count of how many pet owners have told her, "oh, he/she never responds to anyone like she does you. Oh, look how much she/he likes you."  I don't know what it is because she certainly doesn't encourage it but Alvin has also fallen under the spell of my mom.  When she leaves my house Alvin continues to circle around her chair for a long time and seems genuinely distressed that she is gone.  Goodness knows what their relationship is going to be like once she can pet him on a regular basis. 

In the meantime, my personal dog, Timmie is not enjoying any part of their relationship.  My mom initially did not like Timmie one bit because he was quite mean to my blind, deaf dog, Maury and to my cat, Maddie.  He was quite a challenge with incessant barking, initially marking all over the house, escaping from what appeared to be an inescapable fence, and having separation anxiety.  I took Timmie as a foster and within the first 24 hours he had attacked my blind, deaf dog twice and my bold cat Maddie once.  I was going to quickly return him but I just didn't have the heart to send him back to boarding because he loved people so much and I knew it would be particularly lonely for him.  So, I ended up pulling out the hide-a-bed in my living room and sleeping out there for the first month because I had to keep the bedroom doors shut for fear he would urinate on the carpet.  I had to sleep with one dog on one side of me and Timmie on the other or else Timmie might attack the other.  It was not the greatest time but Timmie has turned out to be one of the sweetest, most well-behaved dogs I have ever met.  He has outgrown everything other than his intense jealousy when other dogs or my cat get attention.  He knows better than to attack but he begins whimpering and will bury his head in my chest and then use his butt and hips to hit the dog or cat with in an effort to shoe them away.  Knowing this about Timmie was why I was willing to foster Alvin because I knew that Alvin was fearful of touch and that Timmie would particularly appreciate this about him.  Timmie isn't the least bit excited about Alvin's love for his grandma and they do have a grandma/grandson relationship.  It is clear that my mom has completely given up on the idea of me ever giving her any human grandchildren.  She can take one look at the fact that there is no room for a husband in a bed that has clearly been claimed by two cats and a dog and that even if there was room that probably that fact alone would be the fatal check on the, not marriage material list.  I can't say that I am sad about this because the only meals I have to make for dogs comes in a bag, they will watch whatever I'm watching on TV and they have never seemed to care what I am wearing or what my hair looks like.  Plus, who else is going to be overjoyed every time I walk in the door?  So, my mom works with what she can get and treats Timmie like her grandson, which includes sleepovers and visits to grandma's house.  Plus, the Christmas list for the canine grandson is markedly cheaper than for those pesky human grandchildren that my brother insisted on producing.  And to my mom I simply say, you're welcome.  We will see how Timmie does with Alvin's new relationship with his grandma but for now he stands guard and herds Alvin away.  As if we need another obstacle to Alvin being touched.

We haven't been back to the dog park yet because of weather and other conflicts but the next time we go I am going to be prepared by first, making sure the darn park is open and also having kibble in my car that I can give Alvin during the three minute car ride.  One of our reader suggested that I might have stopped at McDonald's to get Alvin something on the day that I ruined his trip and I considered that at the time but then I realized that with three dogs in the car, if I were to introduce something as crazy-making as hamburgers into the car that they might start acting like piranhas and I would be forced to flee from my own car.  My other foster dog is blind and nearly deaf and so her sense of smell and taste is on over drive and Alvin is freakishly brave when it comes to food and so hamburger in the car could cause all kinds of problems. 

Speaking of Alvin being freakishly brave when it comes to food, I was sitting on my bed with my lap top today and my mom came over with food for me and Alvin must of anticipated what was going to go down and ran ahead of her and jumped up on the bed in hopes of deliver food to him in bed too.  He is downright rude when in the presence of food and it's as though he has had a miraculous emotional healing because not only is he not fearful but he tries to walk all over me - literally.  I have never encountered a dog that eats as fast as he does and then afterwords like clock-work comes his world class burp.  I am going to have to turn on the video camera so that I can tape his burp and post it here because it really rivals the burp of a Sumo wrestler. 

Speaking of being up on my bed,  I have been able to pick him up and plop him up on it a few times.  I wasn't doing that until very recently because in the past it was a source of anxiety for him and so I resisted my urge to put him up with the rest of us and let him initiate it by going up the stairs next to my bed that I put out for him.  The problem is that his back legs are quite weak from his knees that need to be surgically repaired and so sometimes I see that he wants to come up but it's such an effort for him.  So, in the past couple of days I have picked him up and plopped him up with us and he has chosen to lie down and sleep for a bit.  He no longer seems at all fearful of being up there.  He does stay on alert and will pop up if there is a slight movement or noise but he will then choose to lie back down instead of getting off the bed.  It is far easier for him to get off the bed then on and so if he stays on the bed it's his choice.  He still tends to do what I refer to as his puppy behavior, which pops up when he encounters something he is not used to yet.  He still gets his mischievous look and teeth's things.  He is never cuter then when he gets his puppy look.  I don't know if it's just me falling in love with him or if he is indeed getting cuter by the day but this dog is one of the cutest little beings I have ever seen. 

First, do no harm

This is the oath of all social workers, therapists, and a bunch of other people.  There are times when one can't help, but at the very least one must not harm.  This was ringing in my ears on the way home from our failed attempt of going to the dog park today.  I decided that we would give the dog park another try and I brought out the leash and Alvin readily accepted it - good sign.  He did not want to get into the car but I hoped that if we took a bunch of car rides that ended up at the dog park he would start to get over his recent car trauma.  I had to stop off at the bank, which is on the way to the dog park for a very quick errand.  I came to realize that the only thing worse for Alvin than being in a car is to be in a car alone.  I couldn't have been gone for more than two minutes but I returned to find Alvin quivering and panting more than ever before.  I drove quickly to the dog park only to discover that apparently Tuesday is the day the dog park is closed.  I went into damage control trying to figure out how to make this clearly traumatic car ride worth it to him.  I  couldn't think of a darn thing that would make the situation better so I drove home, took everyone out of the car and walked them around the neighborhood, which isn't much of a treat and if Alvin has any analytical skills he quickly realized that there was no need to drive in the car to walk around the neighborhood.  I am going to give the dog park another try tomorrow but who knows if Alvin will have any part of the car tomorrow. 
When preparing to go to the dog park I decided not to put the Adopt Me bandanna on him because his eyes make him look freaky and ill.  Cathy at Camp Cocker repeatedly told me that the surgery would temporarily remove the pigment on his eyelids and that he would look weird.  She repeated this warning several times and because Cathy isn't a woman to repeat things I knew at the time that chances were good that he was going to look odd.  It was only today that the pigment really changed and I woke up to a dog with goopy, running eyes, and pink eyelids.  He looks a bit odd but more than anything it makes him look ill as though he has some rare tropical disease.  I decided this might not be the look we want to sport while trying to find an adoptive home for him.  I am just going to try to dodge any steely stares I might get from fellow dog owners that think I have brought my sick dog to socialize with their healthy dogs.  I would just wait it out but apparently the pigment will not come back for a few months.  So now I am going to have to try to find a home for a dog that needs double knee surgery, pink eyelids, and circles grooves into the floor.  Luckily I like challenges.  Alvin actually has a perfect person who would devote her whole life to him but she lives in a rent-controlled apartment and the landlord won't allow dogs.  It isn't an issue of just moving when she has a place where rent is significantly lower than in the rest of terribly expensive California so I am trying to figure out how we can disguise Alvin as a kid, a statue, a stuffed animal, or anything else that gets around that no dog policy.  It certainly makes me appreciate my landlord who told me when I moved in that they love animals and were very supportive of allowing me to have pets in their home.  What I appreciate even more is that they remodeled the house and knowing that I was the one moving in and that I was an animal lover, chose to put down tile through most of the house instead of carpet......I sing their praises every time Alvin gets a bit mixed up and goes to the bathroom just a foot from the wrong side of the door.  Apparently what side of the door to be on can be a very confusing ordeal.  Speaking of that issue, I have been so pleased with how well Alvin has done with house training.  In his last foster home he went potty in the house all the time for the first month and in preparation for that I closed the one carpeted bedroom door and didn't let him into the only other room with carpet but he has really been exceptional and the only accidents has been on the tile and for the most part he remembers which side of the door to go on.  I have been able to keep the door shut sometimes when it's been particularly cold and I have learned that when Alvin does a particular loop, which looks a bit frantic that he needs to go potty. 

Now if I could only remember to look at the schedule for the dog park and not terrorize him with a car ride only to end up walking him around his own neighborhood.  Clearly Alvin could benefit from his own blog writing about incompetent foster parents and the patience required to deal with their issues and failures.  Now that would be a blog worth reading!

Alvin Says, Just Say No!

I decided that we should take another trip to the dog park because we haven't been for a while and a new dog park opened close to my home.  Alvin wasn't too keen about having his leash put on which should have been my first clue.  I tried to put his Adopt Me bandanna on and that was a definite no go.  I only have one of the Adopt Me bandannas right now so I figured I would put it on my other dog, Stevie who wasn't having it either.  Clearly a conspiracy has been launched.  I took them out of the car and I felt a tug like a fish on the line and I turned around and Alvin has planted his tiny little bottom on the concrete and has his head turned up to the sky in an effort to resist being pulled even a more inch.  Alvin had absolutely no intention of getting in the car.  We had made some progress with Alvin's fear of car rides but I think after driving him a total of six hours and making him get touched, held, prodded, poked, and caged, he is completely over the car.  Alvin went back to his bugged eyed, panting, seizure-looking stance, and wouldn't that have been the one time that I would get lost and make a three-minute car ride longer?  The good news is that he is GREAT about getting out of the car.  We went to the new dog park and there were so many dogs there and they all seemed playful and well-behaved.  Alvin pretty much stayed to himself other than when he finally located the person with treats in his pocket.  Alvin could have a tremendous future in search and rescue as long as the person had treats in their pocket.  Alvin always generates a lot of conversation because he is just so darn cute.  I did manage to get his Adopt Me bandanna on him after we got to the park but then I looked up and he had managed to get it back off.  He is not being terribly cooperative in the adoption department but I just know that there is his perfect person out there.  I made a short video at the dog park of Alvin's foster sister, Stevie in an effort to try to raise some funds for her cataract surgery so she can see again and while posting it on Stevie's facebook page I noticed Alvin in it and realized that he was afraid at the dog park and I didn't know it at the time.  I am posting the link to Stevie's fb page in case anyone wants to see Alvin in the video.  I didn't even intend to video him but he walked up.  I am learning that one of the subtler ways he shows fear or anxiety is to have his mouth open just a bit like he has on the video.  He gets that worried look and opens his mouth.  It might not interest most of you but if any of you want to take a look, you can get an idea of what I am talking about.  I am going to have to watch him more closely to see if the dog park is actually a source of stress for him.  Here is the link to Stevie's facebook page and the video is the most recent post:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100002758301313

One of our readers asked if I could get someone to assist me in giving Alvin's eye drops and although it would seem as though that would be helpful, I think with Alvin being so little and such a whirling dervish that another body might just get in the way........okay, so the truth is that I look like an idiot during the process and I don't need a witness.

I think I pulled a hamstring putting in eye drops

Putting eye drops into Alvin's eyes could be a new event for the 2012 London Olympics.  I still question the fact that the vet staff managed to give me the eye drop instructions with a straight face.  I have learned that the best strategy is to stretch and run in place first in an effort to be warmed up and limber so that hopefully I won't pull a muscle during the Alvin wrestling event.  We have definitely had a time of it and a human being can't feel worse about themselves then when traumatizing Alvin to the point that his teeth chatter.  I don't know what the alternative is though because he has to have them and short of sedating him twice a day, we have to partake in this exercise of horrors.  I was told to keep giving them to him until the bottle runs out but I don't think they were thinking that the bottle would run out tomorrow but we have wasted quite a bit with the drops going flying and landing goodness knows where.  Why do they have to make the eye drops clear because wow, does that make it a whole other challenge to see if they actually made it in the eye.  I don't even want to think about having to go through all of this again if he has to have a second eye surgery.  Alvin's eyes are starting to look better, although when he wakes up in the morning his eyes are nearly swollen shut, which is definitely to his benefit because I take one look at him and end up spoiling him the rest of the day. 

Having gone through this with him, I am realizing that he really needs to have his double knee surgery soon.  When Alvin was first rescued his back knees were so bad that he walked like a duck and his back knees touched each other.  He had surgery and although the surgery helped, it wasn't able to correct them enough and he has to have it again.  This came as a HUGE disappointment for two reasons.  The most important one is the pain that Alvin is going to have to go through again and the long recovery.  Second, is the expense of it.  It's going to cost about $4,000.  UGH!  He doesn't seem to be in pain, which has allowed the surgery to be put off but his back legs are weak, he walks funny, and if it isn't corrected then he will have really bad arthritis later in life.  The concern is that someone has to be home with Alvin for at least the first two weeks.  The time would be now because I am unemployed but I can't stay that way for much longer.  I can't see starting a new job and then asking for two weeks off for a dog surgery.  I can only imagine how impressive that would sound in an interview.  I think it would be a disaster to have Alvin go some where else to recuperate.  On the other hand, I so don't want to do it.  It's going to be so painful for him and he is going to have to have me picking him up and carrying him a lot and he can't freak out and ruin the surgeon's work.  The entire recuperation is 12 weeks long with most of it on cage rest.  This little guy just can't catch a break.  I think the rescue Camp Cocker is going to start fund-raising for him soon and I may start to try to help raise funds too.  I guess I should start counting my blessings that right now all I have to do is participate in the aerobic activity of administering eye drops to a small but freakishly strong dog.  I thought that we would only be dealing with emotional recovery but I guess it's a good thing that he has progressed enough that we can start addressing his physical needs.  I just can't quite picturing him doing his little loops with two rear casts on.  It's not going to be boring around here for a long time.

Alvin's Gone International

One of the features on this blog allows me to see which country readers are from and I have been so surprised at the number of international readers and the countries people are from: Lebanon, Jordan, Russia, Germany, Malaysia, Singapore, Canada, New Zealand, Argentina, Spain, United Kingdom, Brazil, Poland, Colombia, and Thailand.  I don't know why the French are giving us the cold shoulder but it wouldn't be a good blog without a bit of international controversy.  If any of you are ever so inclined, including readers in the United States, please leave a comment letting the other readers know anything you wish to share.  Thank you to all of you who come here and read about Alvin's ongoing adventures.

So, now to the star of the show, Alvin.  Oh boy!  Poor guy, he looks like a boxer on the wrong end of a boxing match because his eyes are slits today due to the swelling but this does not stop him from keeping his schedule of sitting and staring at me for hours.  Due to his swelling, it looks like he has either fallen asleep sitting up or is very stoned and the only way I can tell that he is still awake is when his head turns.  He was particularly cuddly last night, which surprised me because I really thought that he would be standoffish due to the fact that I drove him to his own version of hell and back.  I imagine he was either still quite drugged from the medication or that we now share a trauma bond.  When I worked with abused children it was not uncommon to see children very attached to their abuser and it is referred to as a trauma bond.  The idea is that due to heightened emotions the victim shares while with the abuser, as well as the isolation the victim feels towards others, they form an unhealthy attachment to the person that harmed them.  Last night when Alvin was so affectionate and trusting, I could only roll my eyes and feel like the perpetrator for willingly taking him through so many scary events in one day.  Between long car rides, people touching him, being in enclosed spaces, and coming out with eye lids the size of golf balls, I have sufficiently started a great foundation for a long-lasting trauma bond.  Now I have to give him eye drops twice a day.......picture that one.  When they told me I just stared at them, wondering if they were hearing their words and thinking through what they had seen in Alvin.  For goodness sake, hours before we were all on the floor on all fours trying to hold him down so he could be examined because being on the table was too much for him but these same people somehow think that I am going to single-handedly hold him still enough to get eye drops in those slits for eyes?  Yesterday the vet ended up spending about three minutes with him, walking out without comment and reappearing right away with a syringe in hand to sedate him way ahead of schedule, but apparently I am supposed to have super powers that they didn't possess.

Through all of this I am assuming that Alvin is going to feel way better then he did.  I am going to call the vet's office today to find out a bit more about what the doctor thinks about how much pain and discomfort he was in before the surgery because I wonder if that could have been partially responsible for some of his behavior and not wanting his head or face touched.  We all know what it feels like to have one eye lash brushing against our eye but apparently he had tons of them.  There's a good possibility he is going to have to go through this procedure again and my guess is that after that one he will come home, pack his bones, and get on out of here.  Poor guy!

Alvin's video debut

It hurts to look at but he is going to feel so much better when the swelling clears up.

Alvin's Home

We are finally home safe and sound.  Alvin's eyes are so swollen and he reminds me of a character from the Simpson's because he has those same kind of bulging eyes due to the swelling on his lower and upper eye lids.  He had a lot of eye lashes and will probably have to have the procedure again.  He was drugged up and had swollen eyes but that did not stop him from looking for food in the car for nearly the whole ride home.  For now he is resting and I am going to do the same.  It was a long day!

Alvin's in Surgery

I would love to say that we left at the crack of dawn this morning but the dawn did not begin to crack until we were an hour down the road.  Alvin spent most of the ride trying to find food because I couldn't feed him this morning.  Looking for food seemed to take his mind off of being afraid of driving in the car.  He quickly realized that he had spent three hours in the car to come to his worst nightmare because once again there was an enclosed room, people holding him, and finally getting a shot.  They ended up sedating him right away and I am assuming they did it so quickly because he was a nervous wreck.  Apparently he has a lot of eye lashes rubbing against his eye and he may have to have two surgeries.  I will know more when he is out of surgery.

The brightest news of the day came because I brought my other foster dog, Stevie along for the ride.  Cathy at Camp Cocker suggested that Stevie get an eye exam since we were going to Fresno anyway.  Stevie is completely blind due to cataracts and it looks like she has been blind for probably many years.  She was seen in the past by an eye doctor and he didn't think she was a candidate for cataract surgery but today, this eye doctor said she is.  This came as a complete surprise and I continue to get teary every time I think about it because one of my favorite life experiences was the one time I got to see a blind dog see for the first time.  I had adopted an old, blind dog and never even knew cataract surgery was an option for him.  I ended up taking him to the eye doctor that I am at right now and he performed the surgery on him.  When a dog has cataract surgery, they see right away and when I went in to see my dog, he ended up jumping up to my face and brushing against my face with his face and he just stayed there and kept looking and brushing against me.  It is something so extraordinary to get to experience.  So, I will start trying to help Camp Cocker fundraise.  I am so hoping that Alvin only needs the one surgery so that Camp Cocker doesn't have to raise additional money for Alvin.  Whatever the case, I just know that the money will come in and that there will be one dog that will have her sight restored and one dog that won't have painful eyes anymore.  Now, that makes for a great day!

Little Alvin's Big Day

Alvin's having his eye surgery tomorrow.  We are having to leave here at 5:30 AM to make the three hour drive.  I think we may get stuck in a lot of rush hour traffic on the way back and so I probably won't be able to report back until later in the evening tomorrow.  Wish us luck!

I feel like a television

The shear amount of hours that Alvin spends sitting quietly and staring at me is staggering.  He watches me like a human watches television.  I often feel the need to be more entertaining for him but it seems not to matter what I do, he stares just the same.  I have let myself ponder this to the absurd, wondering if maybe I am just a particularly fascinating person and only Alvin is perceptive enough to realize this hidden fact about me.  Then my mom comes over and my bubble doesn't burst, but rather completely explodes because I no longer exist in his world and he won't let her out of his sight.  Any attempts on my part to get his attention are met with a quick glance and then he goes back to mooning over her.  Whatever the case, I cannot get over how long he sits and stares and that he only stops when his eye lids grow heavy and he can no longer stay awake.  When I am in my bedroom Alvin sits in front of my full length mirror and watches me through the reflection, while habitually turning his head to make sure that I am the same person as the reflection in the mirror.  I wonder what it is that he finds so fascinating in human beings?  I really wonder why he still wants anything to do with human beings when he has so clearly had them let him down?
We went to the vet on Saturday to get his blood drawn because he will be going under anesthesia for his eye surgery on Thursday.  Getting blood drawn at the vet's office was a triple whammy for Alvin because he is afraid of enclosed rooms, terrified of being held, and scared of being up off the ground.  You can imagine how fun it was to hold him for a blood draw.  The vet said it broke his heart because ittle Alvin was so afraid his teeth were chattering.  We will be driving a total of about six hours on Thursday for his eye surgery because it cost about one-third to do it in Fresno than what it costs in the bay area of California.  I'm not looking forward to the drive for him but I imagine he will be drugged up and relaxed on the way back.  I am so happy he can get his eye surgery because I think he is going to feel so much better.  My vet saw Alvin in September and commented at the time what odd behaviors he had but this time he commented how much better he seemed.  That was very nice to hear. 

I did attempt to recreate our experience on the floor with him sleeping on me but we have not had that level of success since.  One night I was left pitifully on the floor by myself while feebly calling, "Alvin honey come here."  The other two nights he was able to lay down near me but not like before.  I noticed that on the couple nights that he laid close to me that the tongue came back out, he began teething me, and generally engaged in the behavior he does when trying something new.  He has managed to climb up on the bed a couple more times and he continues to clearly want to be included.  I have found that he has started to have cuddly moods where he will come and seek out physical contact.  He has been out of sorts for the past couple days and he started circling quite a bit.  I have had to call his name to get him out of his loop because he gets fixated.  I could not figure out what was wrong and I knew he was reacting to something.  My mom was gone this weekend and the minute she came over tonight he stopped circling and he is glued to her.  I don't know for sure that it was her absence but considering how much Alvin hones in on human beings and is particularly drawn to her, it may be that he missed her.  It is very clear that nothing escapes Alvin's notice - how could it?  He never stops staring.

I'm floored

If you have followed along you know that most of Alvin's progress has occurred with me on the ground with him.  For the past week or two I haven't been on the floor with him very much for no other reason than it's not very comfortable down there.  I also noticed because Alvin is such a creature of habit that he was identifying my bedroom as the petting room and was far more skittish in the other rooms.  I have sat on the floor in the living room a few times and he has done pretty well but as we enter normalcy I have been on the floor less and less.  Last night I was reflecting that there haven't been many breakthroughs lately and I got a bit discouraged because he has so far to go.  I started to wonder if this was close to the most he was going to be able to accept human touch.  I decided to go back to what was working best and I laid down on the floor.  It was as uncomfortable as I remembered but within minutes it was very well worth it.  Alvin started doing his circling but it was the normal dog circling that dogs do when they are getting ready to lay down.  His circling got closer and closer to me and I found myself nearly holding my breath, hoping for what would have been unthinkable a few weeks ago.  Alvin very purposefully laid down with his body pressing against my legs and put his little chin on my leg.  I was so excited but I knew if I moved a muscle that he would be up on full alert.  It is during those times that I think I imagine my legs itching and feel all kinds of involuntary twitches.  Poor Alvin was just trying to sleep but I kept accidentally moving and disrupting him.  We went through this exercise seven times and five out of the seven he chose to lay with his whole body pressing against me.  I cheated on the two times he chose to lay a ways a way from me and did something that made him jump up so that he would have to lay down again.  I finally decided to call it a day when he laid against my stomach and fell asleep with his head on my chest.  Someone who isn't an animal lover could not possible understand how amazing that moment felt and I dare say that many animal lovers wouldn't get it either, but for me this was our biggest day!  It is becoming increasingly clear that Alvin really wants human contact but his fear is often too great and it deprives him of the comfort of touch.  Watching him sleeping on my chest last night made me know that he is going to get there.  Up until now I have been very happy with his progress but I didn't know if we would ever get to where he would choose human contact and would be able to trust enough to fall asleep.  So, I'll be back on the floor tonight.  I have also come to the realization that we need to find Alvin an adopter that has a futon or just really loves to sleep on the floor. 

Treat time has never been so dangerous

I previously wrote about Alvin's obsession with food and although many of his behaviors have tapered off, his reaction to food is still a sight to behold.  In the presence of food he becomes an entirely different dog and is bold and well, completely crazy.  He continues to have a hard time managing bites of food and sometimes he is able to bite down correctly and sometimes he has to repeatedly spit the food out because he seems to forget how to bite down.  For the life of me, I can't figure that one out.  His food lunacy, coupled with his confusion of when to bite down has led to treat time being any one's guess as to if I am going to come out of it with all my fingers.  It's really become the Russian Roulette of the dog world.  One would think the obvious answer would be to eliminate treats but my other foster dog takes a medication before bedtime and although she literally will eat anything edible, she refuses to eat her chewable pill and so I have to bury it in a piece of hot dog, which has led to everyone getting a piece of hot dog before bedtime.  The other obvious solution would be that I would not hand feed the piece of hot dog to Alvin but with my very obvious ADHD, along with being able to hand feed two dogs, I often just automatically put my hand down there and sometimes it goes great and sometimes I end up jerking my hand away, while swearing loudly and frantically looking for blood on my hand and a finger on the floor.  Between Alvin insisting of running into my legs and running circles around me while I try to walk and lunging for my fingers when treats are present, I am going to be fortunate if I come out of all of this with no body parts missing or broken.  The irony is that this is the dog normally so afraid of hands and yet put a bit of food in one and not only will he readily approach but he will put it halfway down his throat.  I so very much wish his otherwise fear of hands could be transferred to a fear of feet because his complete lack of fear of feet has led to me doing many of those multiple hopping trips where I repeatedly stumble over Alvin and end up kicking him around.  I can't properly articulate how bad I feel when I accidentally scare or hurt Alvin and to basically drop kick him across the room makes me feel like a monster but then I look down and there he is right back for more.  I have heard of Velcro dogs but Alvin requires his own definition because if I even move a leg he is up running towards me and gets in his circle weave position.  I find that I am reluctant to adjust my body at all because after having a dog run towards me over and over again it begins to drive home the point that I am sitting on my butt too much.  Yet, the couch is one of the only places where I can ensure that I won't fall and break a leg, lose a finger, or kick a dog.  Let's all just keep hoping that Alvin doesn't decide he likes being on the couch because then I will have no safe haven.

My birthday went to the dogs

I am hoping that Alvin enjoyed my recent birthday because most of my presents were in some way for him.  I asked for dog stairs for my birthday and my mom gave them to me early.  They have been very helpful and I have enjoyed watching all three dogs utilize them.  The one that may be benefiting the most is my blind foster dog, Stevie.  I was gone last night and Stevie usually goes outside and waits for me but I came home last night to find that she had climbed the stairs and put herself to bed for the evening.  My mom also got me a sweat shirt for the dog park that says, Ask Me About My Foster Dog but I am a bit afraid to wear it because I am not sure I want to encourage people to articulate their questions about Alvin as he is running around me in circles like a kid's party pony.  Last, I received in the mail a birthday package which had a battery operated toy, which consisted of a weasel attached to a ball.  The ball rolls around and it looks like the weasel is pushing it.  Timmie hid behind me, Alvin was curious but cautious and it was the cat that came in and kicked a bit of weasel butt.  As always, the cat remains the most courageous of all of them. 

My Christmas will also be devoted to the dogs because I have asked for grooming clippers to be able to groom Stevie and my dog, Timmie.  I am not going to attempt to groom Alvin because one can't even count all the ways that could go wrong.  I do worry that my grooming Stevie could take away any last hope of Stevie finding an adoptive home because first, I have no idea how to groom a dog.  Second, I have a complete lack of natural ability to do my own hair.  Third, I lack the essential grooming attributes of patience, artistic vision, and an attention small longer than a gnat.  Nothing about me having clippers near a living being is a good idea but what would Christmas be without at least one mishap?  So, as you're gathered with your family and friends this Christmas remember us here with me using clipper like a chainsaw and two very special dogs getting never before seen hair cuts for Christmas.  

On another note, Alvin has taken up landscaping.  He has started to eat little leaves.  It isn't every little leaf but just one once in a while.  Just like everything else, Alvin is a mystery because it's just once in a while that he finds one he wants to eat, while others hold no temptation for him.  If he is going to be a leaf-eating dog then I wish he would fully commit to it because it's Fall and I have plenty of little leaves that need to be raked or eaten and since I hold no hope of Alvin learning to rake, he needs to get to chomping.

Here's hoping for a warm winter

I don't have a doggy door and while Alvin is learning how to let me know he has to go potty and/or learning the concept of holding it, I have been leaving my back sliding glass door open 24 hours a day.  Now that I have written this on the internet, let me provide my address and directions to where the valuables are.  Don't be alarmed because two factors prevent me from being burgled.  First, I don't own any valuables.  Second, I have realized Alvin's hidden talent as an exceptional guard dog.  Alvin gets a little mixed up when it comes to his fear response.  Instead of running away when afraid, he runs towards whatever is scaring him, stops about three feet from whatever it is, and then when he isn't scared anymore, he runs away.  You can't win them all but I figure that we will use this oddity to our advantage and if I can just teach him to bark or even to do that loud trucker burp on command, he could run towards the intruder and be one intimidating burping/barking force with all of his 18 pound badness.  Well, I don't really know how much he weighs because I would have to hold him while I stand on the scale and with Alvin's fear of being held I can only imagine how well that would go.  Right now he only needs surgery on his back legs but I fear that if I tried to hold him for any period of time that he would jump down and need a full body cast.  So, back to our issue at hand.  The sliding glass door situation has worked until now because with winter here I am beginning to freeze my butt off.  I broke down and closed the door a few times, which initially sent Alvin into a whirling dervish of circling frenzy because it was a change and made him nervous.  I have noticed that whenever the door is shut that I am a hyper-vigilant mess watching him to make sure he doesn't go potty in the house.  It is particularly important that he not go potty in the house because I have learned that if he does it once, it throws him off and we spend a couple of days having to re-learn where to go potty.  Alvin's anxiety is usually a hindrance for both of us but for the last couple days I have found that there is one situation where it has been very helpful.  When the door is shut and Alvin has to go potty, his little eyes get really buggy and he starts running back and forth between the living room and the door.  Although that probably sounds like a clear cut cue, it is easy to be mixed up with a myriad of other reasons Alvin runs around but in this case, if one watches very carefully there an additional frantic quality that indicates it's a potty call.  The problem is that once I realize what's up, coupled with his buggy eyed frantic look, I tend to involuntarily leap up and run to the door, which of course scares him and he starts circling and won't go outside because he thinks a crazy person is holding the door for him and so I have to go in the other room so he feels safe enough to go outside.  It's a mess but it's better than having a mess in the house.  I know he wouldn't make it the whole night and so the door stays open during the night and I am learning the true meaning of the saying, three dog night.  It could be one long, cold winter and so I selfishly hope for a short, unseasonably warm winter OR that Alvin finds a way to wake me up in the night to go out.  You can definitely place your bets on a short, warm winter because it's far more likely to occur.  In the meantime, I am definitely counting our blessings and it does not escape my notice that learned very quickly where to go potty and that he is learning to communicate his needs.  In the beginning of this blog I wrote a lot about knowing that Alvin was trying to communicate and my frustration at having no idea what he was trying to tell me but in a relatively short amount of time Alvin has increasingly communicated what he wants and I am starting to learning his circling, whirling language.  As I write this, Alvin is sitting about five feet away from me and is staring intently at me and this is an example of a time when I know exactly what he is trying to tell me and it goes like this, "get off that butt you been sitting on for an embarrassingly long amount of time, waddle yourself into the kitchen, pick up the bag of treats on the counter and hand it to me.  No, not one treat, hand me the bag."  And this is one of many times I will pretend not to understand him.

Alvin wants his own computer

Since Alvin doesn't like to be on the couch or the bed, he is never on my level when I am on the computer, until recently when he had the impromptu jump up.  I was watching the Camp Cocker video of the dogs, Brandy and Carmel and Alvin took one look at the screen and stopped in his tracks.  His eyes followed the dogs wherever the went and he kept going to the back of the screen to see if he could find the dogs there.  When the dogs in the shelter began to bark, Alvin went into over drive, searching for those doggies.  He absolutely loves dog videos.  I tried other videos but Alvin prefers the dog ones.  I told him we could share my computer but I wasn't always going to watch dog videos and I haven't seen him on my bed since.  He may end up being the first dog with his own computer......kidding.

I have noticed that Alvin also loves the mirror in my house.  He is so smart in that when he gets in his bed at night he positions himself in such a way that he is facing the mirror and then will watch me through the reflection of the mirror.  This allows him to keep an eye on the bedroom door and keep an eye on me at the same time.  He doesn't acknowledge the TV at all, although I am realizing that I have never turned on Animal Planet for him and so I will get back to everyone on that one, but he is one of the few dogs I have met that is very aware of mirrors and computer screens. 

He has been back to circling a fair amount today.  I am not sure what is up but I think that he might be bored.  We were unable to go to the dog park today because it's closed on Wednesday's.  We do have a date with another dog to go walking on trails tomorrow.  That could end up being quite a scene because I am also taking Timmie and we need a wide circumference because of Alvin's looping and so I don't know how that is going to turn out while walking with another person and a dog and trying to actually have a conversation with my friend.  I suspect this may be a one-time invitation deal and we will be back to circle walking by ourselves again.  Stay tuned......

Jealousy has never looked cuter

Alvin, Timmie and I all went to the dog park again today.  Every time I visit the dog park I am more convinced that it is not dogs who need training and we need to stop calling it dog obedience or dog training, but rather refer to it as basic human competence class.  It's difficult for me to watch people rattling off the same command over and over again while watching the dog clearly having no idea what the human wants.  The most comical one is to watch people using the leave it command when clearly they never taught the dog what leave it means.  Sometimes it's comical and sometimes it is depressing but whatever the case, it is clear that it is always the human being that needs the training on how to communicate with the dog. 

Alvin did well today and we met a lady who has a dog named Benji who had similar fears and appears to have probably had more deprivation than abuse in his life, which I suspect was Alvin's case also.  Benji had to have surgery to remove fleas that had burrowed under his skin.  Four years later he is a beautiful Tibetan terrier with a coat of hair that would be impressive in a show ring. 

There were no bigger dogs and so Alvin showed very little interest in the dogs and then I was relieved to see the big, overweight beagle show back up but apparently after Alvin gives a dog the sniff over, the relationship is done because he had no interest.  He did get a bit terrorized by a little chihuahua that wanted to hump him.  I have not seen Alvin show any sign that he knows how to play with other dogs.  I feel a bit like an over-protective parent because I so want him to learn how to play and have fun.  I want so many things for him.

We had another success tonight.  Alvin again chose to go to sleep in the living room but this time he chose a spot on the floor near my mom.  He was a bit hyper-vigilant as it is new for him to be vulnerable like that but between his repeated pop ups and make sure everything was okay, he was able to get a little sleep.

I originally agreed to take Alvin because I knew he was fearful of being touched and that he would be a good combination with my dog who is very jealous of me giving attention to other animals.  I know I am not imaging Alvin's progress because of Timmie's increasing jealously.  He often comes over and physically sits, lays, or stands between Alvin and me.  He also pulled out one of his old tricks of throwing a hip into Alvin's chest, which looks like nothing but is very effective in getting Alvin to have to move further from me.  For the most part Alvin and Timmie get along well and Timmie is good for Alvin's confidence but Timmie is the one being who is not appreciating Alvin's progress.  He goes so far as to whimper and put his paw on my chest.  What has been interesting to me is that Alvin has developed his own sense of jealousy and he is more apt to come and solicit affection when I am petting one of the other animals.  Although I may be on the right track of having two males vying for my attention, I think it's supposed to be human males.  I always come up just a little short.

If only Alvin could be a cat

The first news of the day is that Alvin officially has two followers, Theresa and Kerri.  Once Kerri joined as our second follower it potentially allows us to have a raffle and we may be raffling off the possibility of being Alvin's adoptive parent.  Seriously, I am grateful to Kerri and Theresa for officially joining us.

Timmie, Alvin, Stevie and I all went to the dog park today.  I realized that if I was going to walk blind Stevie, barky Timmie, and looping Alvin that Alvin was going to have to de-loop himself for this trip.  I shortened his leash so that he couldn't circle around us and all seemed to be going fine until I felt a tug on the line as though I had just caught a fish.  It was no fish, it was a chipmunk, Alvin who in response to not being able to loop, put on the brakes, sat his bottom down and refused to go.  I had to reassure him and then I let him do a big loop to get the bottled up loop out of his system and then he agreed to go again.  The best news is that Alvin actually acknowledged me this time.  I realized that when I call him and he doesn't come it's because he genuinely doesn't hear me.  I think he hones in on things and doesn't hear or see anything else, which would be an important thing for a potential adopter to know because this little guy isn't a candidate for off leash walks.  We had a few great moments when he was able to focus on me and I was able to bend down and pet and scratch him all over his body and he was so affectionate and sweet.  He had to be on the small dog side again and he didn't have any interest in the other dogs and went to each person and visited again.  Every time we go he picks a person to fixate on and this time it was a family with a father and two daughters.  What was interesting to see is that another family came and there was a girl who appeared to be about five-years-old and Alvin began to stare at her and slowly started to approach her.  I could see that he really liked her but for the little girl, she was seeing a dog staring at her and what probably looked like a dog stalking her and she got scared and hid behind her dad.  I wanted to approach her and see if I could talk her into interacting with Alvin because he had a whole different look about him when near her and I so wanted to know if he has particular affection for kids or maybe feels more comfortable with them.  I did not approach her because she seemed afraid of him and if you didn't know Alvin, it would look a little creepy. I wonder if his reaction was because he hasn't seen too many kids and was fascinated or if he just really likes kids but whatever it was it was definitely a positive reaction.  I thought the dog park was a bust for Alvin as far as dogs went until I had already put a leash on Timmie and Stevie and was about to leash up Alvin when the gate opened and in came an extra tall, very overweight beagle.  Alvin was fascinated.  I stepped back and watched as Alvin sniffed the beagle to the point that I was afraid his nose would implode.  I finally tore him away but I am hoping that we can find another bigger dog the next time we go.

For the first few weeks that Alvin was here he didn't groom himself but in the last two weeks he has started to groom himself on a regular basis.  He also regularly gets in his dog bed right next to my bed and sleeps through the night.  For the first few weeks he would fight sleep and would try his hardest to keep his eyes open and would jump up at any sound.  He still comes to full alert on a regular basis but he seems a bit more relaxed.  What has interests me the most is that when Alvin hears or sees something that is scary to him he will run towards the object, stop about three feet away, and once he determines it's okay, he then runs away.  His response is the exact opposite of any dog I have ever known.  This reaction makes Alvin a very photogenic dog because he is curious about anything new and since he runs toward the object and stares, he has so many great pictures because it's easy to catch him in those moments before the fear is gone and he has to run away. 

As I write this, for the first time Alvin has laid down in the innermost part of the living room and has gone to sleep.  He has always slept outside of the living room where there is an escape route and so seeing him sleep so far into the living room is surely progress.  Usually this time of night Alvin goes into the bedroom and put himself to bed.  He likes to go to bed early but then he wakes up early in the morning and sits and stares at me.  Every time I move he runs towards me with happy anticipation that I am going to get up and feed him.  I start to feel like the mother who is passed out on the couch and doesn't feed her kids because he looks so disappointed each time I don't get up.  He finally gives up and goes outside to lay in the sun outside my window where he can STILL hear me when I roll over and comes roaring back in to guilt me into getting up.  Alvin wants to come back as a cat in his next life so that he can have food out all the time.

Alvin's movin' up

I mentioned in my last post that I thought that much of Alvin's issues could be due to being left outside with little human interaction.  I based this on the fact that he is far more relaxed when outdoors.  I then began to wonder if his circling behavior could be attributed to being in a small space much of the time.  The circling reminds me of some horses that don't do well living in a stall and start displaying odd behaviors to combat the boredom.  I don't know, but it is clear that Alvin did not have a foundation of regular human interaction.  I also think that Alvin may be a nervous dog by nature and that some of his issues are developmental ones, such as his trouble with licking.  Alvin would have trouble licking the side of barn.  He just can't figure it out and it's hit or miss.  Last night he licked my finger and ended up doing it with the bottom side of his tongue.  He is getting better at taking treats but there are many times when he just can't figure it out.  He hasn't been taking off my fingers lately, which is much appreciated but it still is problematic for him.  As mentioned before, Alvin loves to touch things with his nose which has led to his most adorable habit thus far of giving what looks like kisses.  I often make a smooching noise and Alvin puts his little nose on my lips, which seems to make my day every time.  I am finding that Alvin is an affectionate dog by nature but his fear gets the better of him.......until today!  I bribed him to walk up the stairs and onto my bed with treats and he stayed for a few minutes and then got back down.  It has become clear that Alvin wants to be up on the bed with the rest of us but things are just a bit too scary for him.  My mom took my dog to her house, which allowed me to have more one-on-one interaction with Alvin and as I was sitting on my bed writing e-mails, I saw Alvin start to climb the stairs.  This is nothing new because he will start up the stairs probably 25 times a day and then goes back down as though he is practicing for the big event.  This time, I saw something different in his stature and demeanor and I started to tell him that he could do it.  And bingo he was up on the bed.  This is the very first time he come up, not because of treats but because he wanted to be included.  Ahhh!  This has been my favorite Alvin day.  He stayed for a while, got a feel for everything, surveyed the situation and then calmly got back down, but  not before I was able to scratch under his chin and tell him what a very big boy he was.  It is an odd feeling to be proud of a dog as though he is your own child but today I was so proud of him.  I don't take for granted how scared he is and how brave he is and I think we could all learn a lesson from Alvin.

Foster mom who?

Alvin has had another visit to the dog park but we stayed on the little dog side because I was afraid Timmie would get himself in trouble again with his humping problem.  Poor Alvin, he remembered the joys of the big dog side and apparently the little dog side pales in comparison.  What was of interest is that again Alvin went up to every person and allowed one woman to pet him all over, including his back.  He did some ducking and jumping when people tried to pet the top of his head but he was very taken with people and kept going back to them.  I found myself a bit tense and incredulous when people didn't pay attention to him because I knew how much it took for him to approach people and I was irritated when he was ignored.  I also found that Alvin could care less about me when we are at the dog park.  Apparently he goes completely deaf because he does not respond at all when I call his name.  Alvin is usually very responsive to his name being called but at the dog park, no comphrendo.  It's so pitiful that when he looks my way, I often wave really big and yell, over here Alvin and the problem is that Alvin wears an Adopt Me bandanna so it's clear that I am his foster mom and he won't even acknowledge my existence.  If I had wanted that type of treatment I would fostered a teenager.  I think I am going to get a reputation as being an undesirable foster mom at the dog park.  Whatever the case, he is sure making his case for finding an adoptive home and he may get one simply because someone feels sorry for him and wants to get him away from that mean foster lady.

What I have found very interesting is that Alvin is far more comfortable being touched and approached when he is outside.  He also allows strangers to pet him more than people he knows.  Alvin is terribly curious about everything and I think his curiosity of new people seems to override his fear of being touched.  The more I watch Alvin outside the more I suspect that he was kept outside most of his life.  It seems as though any type of containment causes him anxiety.  I am also starting to suspect that many of Alvin's issues come from deprivation more so than abuse.  As I have written here, I often watched him and was at a complete loss as to what his background was but the more I get to know him, I suspect that he was kept in a back yard with very little human contact.  I suspect he was with another dog(s) because although he has no idea how to play or interact, he isn't fearful of dogs.  Alvin has a large scar across his side and so he was clearly injured in some way and he is very fearful of heights or being picked up and so something awful may have happened to him but there seems to be more deprivation than abuse.  Speaking of being fearful of being held, I have had to pick him up a couple times to put him in the car and he did better with it.  He also did much better this time riding in the car.  He was clearly very scared but he didn't appear as though he was having a seizure this time.  We are going to take a lot of short car rides and go through a drive-thru so that he associates car rides with good things.  My only concern is that Alvin is such a maniac for food that I worry that I may create a dog that while passing each fast food establishment will jumping at the window while salivating profusely. 

Speaking of Alvin's food issues, hope springs eternal for him and every time I get up he starts his food circling, (his circling constantly around my legs) in anticipation that I am going to feed him.  I have had to nearly eliminate treats because he got himself so worked up that it truly became a hazard to walk in my own house.  With that said, Alvin can look downright pitiful in his never-ending campaign for food and often goes and sits beside the food container while staring at me.  I can take it but it just rips my mom apart and so tonight she told me that I needed to be giving him a bedtime snack because waiting 12 hours for food again was too much for him. I explained to her that a lot of people only feed their dogs once a day and we both remarked that that type of system would cause Alvin to get sores on his butt from all the hours he would be sitting by the food container waiting.  But just when Alvin loses hope, his foster sister, Stevie tries to come to the rescue.  I was in the kitchen and left the lazy susan open and luckily I heard rustling just as blind Stevie was lifting the entire box of dog treats out with her teeth.  I rarely use the lazy susan and didn't even know there were treats in there but little blind Stevie smelled blood in the water and was lightning quick.  Too bad for both of them that the kitchen was officially closed for the night.  Plus, in my bid to get Alvin to like being on the bed, all treats are fed there.  Again, another reason men are flocking to my door to date me! 

Alvin's running with the big dogs

Oh boy oh boy!  Did we have an experience.  Alvin hit the dog park today and he may never be the same.  Timmie, Alvin, and I had a covert mission to sneak out of our own house because I just couldn't take the two of them and my blind foster dog, Stevie too and I knew if we played our cards right we could use the fact that Stevie prefers to get up some time after the crack of noon and I decided we would leave early when she would probably still be in her morning coma.  I did feel downright ridiculous turning to the dogs, putting my finger over my lips, repeatedly saying, shhhh but once Timmie realized what was up he and Alvin leaped around like two goons and made a great deal of noise.  Luckily Stevie doesn't hear well.  The only problem came when I realized that I had left my keys on the bed - the bed Stevie was in.  After tiptoeing in and safely getting out we were on our way.  Alvin doesn't like the car and I always feel just horrible seeing him afraid but he seemed to actually handle the ride well and I want him to start associating good things with car rides so they are not so traumatic for him.  We got to the dog park and a whole new world opened before Alvin's eyes.  There were probably about 20 dogs and for the first couple minutes Alvin played it cool and laid low. He is the most curious dog I have ever met and he just has to go see everything for himself.  I think that has been mistaken at times for Alvin being friendly or becoming bolder but in reality I am finding that come hell or high water, he simply must investigate.  So, he began walking up to people with his Adopt Me bandanna on and you can imagine the scene he caused.  He really honed in on one man and had a difficult time tearing himself a way from him, which was interesting to observe.  Then Alvin realized those furry little creatures were dogs and he lit up!  Alvin LOVES big dogs!  He LOVES them and wouldn't leave them alone.  It seemed to have a lot to do with the rather unfortunate reality that Alvin can walk underneath them and sniff their weenies.  Alvin's love for big dogs was so extensive that he was purposefully very naughty with me for the first time.  My dog Timmie made the unfortunate mistake of trying to hump a female yellow lab who ended up rolling him and Timmie was very shaken up.  I decide that he needed to go to the little dog area even though it's usually no fun over there.  I walked the three feet to put him in and turned around expecting to have Alvin next to me like he had been five seconds before and I see him trotting away.  I begin to call Alvin and he keeps trotting away faster and the louder I call the faster he trots away.  There was no cause for concern because the dog park is not only fenced but the entrances and exits are double fenced and he certainly wasn't headed towards an exit.  The problem was that I looked like an idiot and Alvin didn't care.  He then started his circle thing, which made it worse because the only time a human being can look dumber chasing their dog is when the dog literally has them going in circles.  What really got me is that he kept looking back and then speeding up when I got close and I was starting to get dizzy.  I don't know how I caught him but I did and I had no choice but to carry him because he had circled us out to the middle of the dog park and the leash was on the fence.  Normally Alvin is afraid to be picked up but all be darned if he didn't sit up just big as Pete.  I took him to the small dog side where there was only one other dog with Timmie and you would have thought that I shot him.  He was genuinely upset and went from trotting and playing to sitting by the gate staring at the other side and every time a dog would enter or exit that side he would stand up wagging his little tail like no tomorrow.  What made me feel very bad for him was that for whatever reason he saw a St. Bernard come in and he was fixated.  He ran along the fence line and got the St. Bernard's attention and they greeted, pressed against each other with the fence separating them, and generally mooned over each other.  Unfortunately for Alvin, the St. Bernard had a lot of play partners to choose from on his side and left Alvin to stare longingly through the fence.  I felt bad but I couldn't have the two dogs on separate sides and I couldn't trust Alvin to ever come back to me if I sprung him out of the little dog side.  We waited a long time for other little dogs to come but no one ever came and we headed home.  I was feeling really good because both dogs had ran, skipped, trotted and played and I glanced back at Alvin in the backseat to see what I was sure would be a look of gratitude on his face.  Instead I see Alvin looking as though he was having a seizure.  There were big spots of saliva on the sheet he was sitting on, his eyes were buggy, he was panting, and he was shaking from head to toe.  When he is very scared his face actually quivers and he was a trembling mess.  I pulled over but then what?  This isn't a dog that can be physically comforted and so I went for my only option and started trying to find remnants of left over snacks.  Sure enough, I found something but even food couldn't stop his shaking.  I raced him home wondering what to do, how much this had damaged him and wondering whether he had had some sort of a stress induced seizure. I opened the car door, he jumped out, I led to in the house, and the trembling stopped, his eyes de-bugged and he looked at me like, sucker!  It is only now as I type this that I realize that faking a seizure is such a good way to get out of being grounded for making your foster mom look like the dog park jackass, circling around like a lunatic.  Well played, Alvin!

By the way, we arrived home an hour later to find Stevie still fast asleep on the bed.  It is now 1:30 in the afternoon and she still hasn't gotten up.  I guess when I give her breakfast in bed it leaves no motivation to get up but I'm going to get tough and only give her until 2:00 and if she is still sleeping I am going to really consider making her get up.

Those who can do and those who can't teach

I used to teach a  16 hour class on behaviors and interventions for abused and neglected children and I emphasized the importance of not assigning a time limit to a child's healing process.  As human beings we tend to inadvertently have time expectations on when other human beings should be through with the majority of their grief or trauma.  When someone losses a loved one they have full license to break down at inopportune times, be profoundly depressed, or need comforting for the first year of the loss.  If during year two this is still going on everyone tends to get a little uncomfortable and by year three most are downright put off and statements are made about the individual not dealing well with whatever has grieved or traumatized them.  It is the same for children who exhibit behaviors due to trauma or neglect but unfortunately as adults we tend to put a much shorter time frame for healing on them. I thought of all of this when getting Alvin because he is so cute and so vulnerable and I knew it would be tempting to want to try to speed up his process and I kept reminding myself that only Alvin knew how much he could handle and that when it was too much he would retreat and that I needed to allow him that sense of safety.  And then I turned around and did exactly the opposite. 

I was so encouraged by Alvin jumping on the bed to get my burrito  and subsequently sleeping on the bed that I wanted to recreate the experience because it made ME happy. Ugh!  So, I put a top sheet over the bed and then sprinkled kibble on the sheet to entice Alvin back up the stairs and unto the bed.  Well, apparently kibble isn't as tempting as a burrito and although he came close to getting on the bed he kept retreating.  I knew that he would have a great time having a kibble treasure hunt and so I finally picked him up and put him on the bed.  He was nervous but Alvin forgets everything when he sees food and so he gobbled up the food, spent another 10 minutes making sure there was none that he missed and then finally settled down to sleep.  I felt victorious and so I did it again the next night but something changed and Alvin was more nervous.  He did manage to lay next to me but then I watched as all of his mouth behaviors started again.  They had all disappeared for over two weeks but came roaring back.  I first noticed that his mouth looked different and that he seemed to be clinching his jaw but his tongue kept peaking out.  He then began to do the pressing of his nose thing all over me and then he got that mischievous look on his face.  He began to "teeth" my hands and my face like he had done before.  I realized that his mouth behaviors, with the exception of him being unable to take treats, are directly due to anxiety or stress.  I wasn't sure if some of them were a neurological or developmental issue but when I saw them all back together it was clear that it is how he physically copes with anxiety.  Alvin got himself off the bed and I saw that our dynamic had changed.  He was cautious again and wouldn't get too close to me.  I was angry at myself for several reasons but one of the primary ones is that I was afraid I had just undone quite a bit of the progress we had made in my quest to push his progress.  It was all a good reminder of the fact that whether it's adults, kids, or dogs, they usually give us all the information we need as to how to truly help but it's up to us whether we stop to really hear what is being communicated.  It is then up to us to decide if we want to truly help or if we just want do something what makes us feel good under the guise of "helping".  I knew from the start that Alvin would often be my teacher and what I am so grateful for is how little he holds my blunders against me because within 24 hours we were right back on track, or in this case we were back on the floor.

If you want a male to stay in your bed, feed him!

So, I got little portable stairs in hopes that I could convince Alvin that it was an exceptionally brilliant idea to get on the couch and the bed.  I wonder if I am the only human being trying to train a dog to get ON the furniture?  I don't mind if he doesn't want to be on the couch or the bed but I don't want him to stay on the floor out of fear.  I have also started to notice that when everyone else is on the bed (I wonder why I'm single?) that he seems to want to be included.  I knew that the power of my love, coaxing, or determination would not be enough to convince Alvin to go up stairs and so I pulled out the sure fire plan and got out some of his dog food.  I sat on the couch with the stairs propped against it and slowly enticed him up the stairs and onto the couch.  I do hate to exploit his eating disorder but I have no other weapons in the arsenal.  I took the stairs into my bedroom but quickly discovered that they were probably far too short for the bed.  I ended up accidentally leaving them propped against the bed and then started to read.  My mom came over a while later with food for me and without thinking, I began to eat while still sitting on my bed and quick as a flash came the mighty Alvin.  He came so fast that I think we ended up frightening each other because all of a sudden we were eyeball to eyeball.  Before he could realize that he had experienced a moment of food-induced psychosis and was now standing on the bed I began dishing out my lunch to him.  I'm realizing that Alvin is running quite a racket over here.  Then the moment of truth, the food was gone and now what?  Well, sweet, brave Alvin took it like a champ and after sniffing the entire bed for any dropped food and then sniffing me for dropped food (and there was some), he laid down and took a nap.  Once again, I questioned if there had been a small miracle that had just taken place.  The problem was that when Alvin is in a new situation he tends to jump up and bolt if anything around him moves or changes and I didn't want to see him circle himself off the bed and get hurt and so I sat in the same position for I don't know how long and questioned whether I was even remotely normal at this point.  I know Alvin isn't normal and I think I have committed to abnormalcy right along with him.  I kept looking at him and I felt so proud of him!  I don't have children and I wonder if this is how a parent feels when their child graduates out of special ed and gets mainstreamed?  I just kept looking at this little guy who couldn't figure out how to even lick correctly and could circle himself into a wall when scared and he looked so well adjusted sleeping on the bed.  I was savoring the moment when my mom knocked on the door, Alvin jumped up burped like a grown man, jumped off the bed and circled himself all the way to the front door.  It's progress, not perfection.

Alvin's joining the rodeo

It has just dawned on me that many of Alvin's behaviors have decreased.  I have not seen Alvin's tongue peaking out of his mouth for days now, and gone are the behaviors of pushing on me repeatedly with his upper lip and nose.  Much to my mother's annoyance he does continue to repeatedly sniff all over her legs and push on her with his mouth but my guess is that is because she brings in new smells.  Apparently there are some people in this world who don't enjoy the feeling of a dog's cold, wet nose planted against their shins 20-30 times in a row.  Huh! Go figure! 

While writing this blog, I am also unravelling the mystery as to why I am single because the predominant themes consist of dogs in my bed and my mom at my house.  I can't figure out why men aren't lining up, while screaming, pick me, pick me.  I think I should put a link to this blog on match.com and see how many fantastic offers I have for dates because undoubtedly I would solicit a certain part of the population and that would be men over 40 still living in their mother's basement, while working at the local video store, and only eating food that is white.  It isn't a sure thing that ALL those men have a dead body buried in the backyard, well, their mom's backyard technically. 

So, back to one of the charming males in my life, Alvin.  I have also noticed that the circling has gone way down.  Don't get me wrong, the boy can still put on a great circle dance but now his circles are much more often his happy circles.  As we have established, Alvin has a special love for food and whenever there is even a remote possibility that there might be an opportunity for food, meaning that I am walking anywhere near the kitchen, Alvin begins circling like a horse in a rodeo.  Have you ever seen reining events where a horse will come to a skidding stop and then distributes much of its weight on its back legs and does those really fast, spinning circles?  Well, rodeo Alvin could be their mascot because when he is excited he spins like a whirling dervish and no, he doesn't seem to mind when he whirls over my feet, through my feet, or even under my feet.  I have developed a dance of my own and that consists of hopping, jumping, and standing on one foot while I try to just get to the kitchen without one of us breaking bones.  The only difference is that his spinning dance does not include swearing, whereas my often does.

Cotton candy - it's not just for eating anymore

I still cannot get over the fact that I have to coax and bribe a dog in order to rub and scratch his back because I assure you that no one, probably not even a serial killer, would have to coax or bribe me to let him/her rub or scratch my back.  With that said, Alvin is making progress in that department.  He has started to allow me to pet him when I am standing up over him.  What has been so very helpful is that Alvin watches everything the other dogs do and he is definitely braver with them around.  When the two other dogs greet me, Alvin has started to get in on the welcome party and I can briefly pet him on his back and neck.  The top of the head is still way off limits but I can't fault him on that because if given the choice, who wants the top of their head scratched when they can get their back scratched?  Alvin probably has a whole master plan of how he is training me and yet, I'm the idiot writing the blog.
I have noticed that I have not seen Alvin groom himself at all since he came here.  He got a bit of very bright blue cotton candy on his leg (never mind how it got there) and I ended up leaving it because it was something I could see if he licked off and I knew he had no objection to eating cotton candy (again, never mind how I knew that).  I don't know if his lack of grooming is another issue with his mouth, or his developmental delays, or he is just still in survival mode and hasn't relaxed enough?  The blue cotton candy remained on his leg for several days until I wiped it off.  All of his mouth issues are still there, although he is not doing the pushing motion on me nearly as much as he used to.  He is continuing to hold his tongue out and he licks things so oddly.  I don't know exactly how he does it but it's like he doesn't have good control over his tongue and so sometimes he licks things on the way up, or sideways, or with the bottom of his tongue, although he does manage to get whatever he is licking.  I have been giving him food in small, clear containers and holding them while he licks the food out so that I can get a better look at what his tongue is doing.  Initially it just looks like oral mayhem with his tongue going every which way but then he seems to get into a rhythm of sorts and it looks normal.  It's so odd.  I have to be careful about giving him anything directly by hand because it's usually either confusing to him because he can't seem to figure out how to take the food or he nearly takes off one of my fingers because he bites into it.  This system is counter-productive to lowering his anxiety because when trying to hand him something I then anticipate him clamping down on my finger, do a little jump, drop the food, and the best Alvin can do is catch it on the down side of his circles that I induce.  I anticipate that Alvin may soon pack his bones and get the heck out of here!

My dog can burp louder than your.......trucker husband!

I have come to realize that there may be a way to earn some money towards Alvin's double knee surgery.  I am going to take this boy to every frat house party I can find and place money on who can burp louder, the frat boys or Alvin and we are going to come home with not only all the money in every one's pockets but also the next month rent money for the frat house.  I kept hearing this odd little noise coming from Alvin, especially right after meals and all I could think of was that maybe Alvin had been debarked and it was a muted bark.  I was so convinced of this that I wrote Cathy at Camp Cocker to ask her if Alvin had been debarked before he was rescued.  Cathy was kind enough not to call laughing hysterically but did kindly inform me that Alvin had not been debarked.  I started paying particular attention to him after meals and sure enough it's a burp.  An itty bitty dog that can burp like a trucker.....now that is pure gold!  If you come across one of our roadside stands trying to lure people into placing bets, don't blow our cover and let anyone know that Alvin is a world class burper.  The little guy is growing up!

Alvin's brush with death

Alvin almost died today and it was all so very unexpected.  If someone were to ask me what would I least expect from Alvin it would have been without a doubt what actually transpired this evening.  My mom and I were watching TV when I heard my mom say in a shocked hush, "look at Alvin."  Her tone was that mother tone I have come to know is signaling that something is very wrong.  I looked over at Alvin and he was proceeding to try to hump Timmie.  No one humps Timmie and lives to tell about it.  I was literally shocked stiff and felt as though I had lost my ability to move and I asked my mom in a breathy whisper, "why would he do that?"  I kept thinking that if I didn't move it might go away and nobody would lose a limb.  In my head I immediately started calculating how I was going to break it to Cathy (the founder of Camp Cocker) that my dog had murdered Alvin and I immediately went to trying to dodge responsibility by reminding myself that Timmie was once a Camp Cocker dog and so I would simply report to her that one of "her" Camp Cocker dogs murdered another Camp Cocker dog.  I figured I would go for broke and attempt to even sound a bit indignant in hopes that that would really throw her off.  But then a miracle occurred that rivalled the parting of the Red Sea because Timmie simply moved away and did nothing.  After being pretty sure that there had just been an incident of divine intervention in my own living room and whispering, God? while looking at the ceiling, I then began to process it all and all I could think was, what in the world was Alvin thinking?  I was thrilled that possibly he actually had a little something in him that wanted to be assertive but after pondering it more I have had to conclude that the only possible way that Alvin would do such a thing was if there was food on Timmie's back.  Alvin will risk life and limb for food but otherwise he is neither insane nor that brave. 

Speaking of brave, Alvin has started to sleep in the bedroom with all of us.  He has been too afraid to let his guard down and sleep too close to us and also I think he is comforted by being in the most open part of the house, which is near the exit to the yard.  I put a bed near my bedroom doorway hoping that would help his need for escape and it worked!  He has started to get in his little bed after everyone else goes to sleep and the lights are out.  Before that Alvin and I are doing our floor work every night and every single night there is progress.  The autistic part of him cannot associate petting with any other room in the house but for now I think we will stick with what seems to be working.  He is able to allow me to scratch more of his body and for longer periods of time.  I found the spot that he simply cannot resist and I think I have nearly scratched it raw but he hasn't complained.

We went to the vet today because Alvin's eyes have been draining and it turns out that he had a yeast infection on his face due to the moisture from his eyes.  He has the condition where his eye lashes are rubbing on his eyes and so he is going to have to have the laser surgery at an eye doctor.  I guess we can add that to his existing fundraising needs of double knee surgery that he also needs.  His knees don't seem to be a source of pain for him so that will wait until we can get the money but his eye surgery is going to have to be done sooner because it is probably irritating to him.  The vet checked out his mouth and everything seems to be in working order but he continues to have a hard time negotiating a lot of different foods and has his tongue out of his mouth a lot and so who knows?  Alvin shook like a little leaf on the examining table because it terrifies him to be up on things and to make it even worse the vet and I had our hands all over him.  While he was shaking I was thinking about how vulnerable this little guys is.  He doesn't bark, he doesn't fight, he doesn't have anything inside of him other than fear, worry, and kindness.  I have never encountered a dog that needs a protector and an advocate more than Alvin.  His vulnerability makes me teary at times because there is something so raw and pure about it.  With that said, I was hoping for a little insight by my vet as to what Alvin's deal is and my vet was fascinated and even came out into the lobby and got on the floor with Alvin.  He tried to give Alvin a little biscuit and he was able to see that Alvin could not break it apart and kept spitting it out and then trying again.  I was waiting for the big insight because I think my vet is particularly insightful about animals and all I got was, "he really is such an odd little guy," in a kind of hushed, amazed tone of voice.  So, Alvin and I decided to take our ball of oddness back home where some of it is starting to make sense to me, although it is so very clear that Alvin finds me to be a bit stupid and often incompetent.  Whatever!

Alvin's mouthing off

Alvin continues all his odd mouth behaviors but a new one has started.  At night when we are on the floor together he gets what can only be described as a mischievous look and begins to somewhat play pounce on my hands.  He then begins to put any objects that I am holding into his mouth and puts a small amount of pressure with his teeth on them.  He has started taking his paw and clamping down a bit on my hand and then he wants to put my hand in his mouth.  The interesting thing about it is that normally I would not even consider letting a dog put my hand in his mouth, particularly if he was applying any pressure with his teeth but when Alvin does it, it seems to be such babyish behavior and is like nothing I have ever witnessed.  I have been around puppies and dogs that will want to chew on a hand and although they are just playing, one can see the potential for the dog to get carried away but what Alvin does is different and I wish others could see it.  His behavior is so non-threatening that he put his teeth on my beloved Kindle and I didn't take it away because it was clear that he wasn't going to bite down.  I am thinking that his behavior of putting his paw on mine and mouthing me may be him trying to assert dominance but his body language, attention span, and focus seem that of a baby animal. Poor Alvin has a whole routine to pull off each night because besides the behavior I just described, he is still repeatedly sniffing and doing the nose/mouth press on me and every surrounding object.  He also finds cloth (a sheet, shirt, jeans, etc.) and acts as though he is going to chew on it but once he gets it into his mouth he will give it a couple very gentle bites and then release it.  He then often comes back to the cloth object over and over again.  I have been watching his chewing because he managed to chew through an electrical cord at Cathy's house when he was stressed out but the only chewing I have seen is when he is in his babyish, playing mode but there is a certain nervous, scared quality about him as well and I find it all a bit confusing.  Knowing poor Alvin's luck he is probably being the very most aggressive he can possibly be and I am responding by cooing at him like a baby.  What a disappointment I am probably turning out to be for him but a dog can't be responsible for training all human beings because there is always going to be on bad apple in the bunch.